Growing up not growing old

Living

I do not want to grow old!!If I had my way I would stay forever young- one wish that is never going to come true, indifferent of the innumerable shooting stars and countless visits to the wishing wells.
No, it isn’t the superficial blanket that scares me because I know better than to judge a person by number of wrinkles or the stooping frail body. It isn’t the unavoidable mountain of pills and tiredness either. The hitch is the blank picture. I just cannot paint an 85 year old wrinkled self of me snoozing in the front porch under the warm sun.

When I can't ride my scooter or swim or dance anymore, when I'm too senile to remember things, when I can't visit beautiful places or hear my favorite music or eat my favorite food I don’t think life will be worth living. But that is a secret. Honestly no one wants to grow old, if they did the magazines and television wouldn’t be so densely populated with advertisements claiming to hide the old age symptoms.

A lot of my acquaintances suffer from Gerontophobia. Okay, I am just being dramatic but yes there are a lot who do not want to grow old. In fact some are even as drastic as to say they’d kill themselves before a certain age. Growing old isn’t just the addition of digits on your age. It brings with it the loss of looks, the loss of independence, inactivity after retirement, impaired mobility, the onset of diseases and loneliness. The inevitable is enough to scare anyone out of their minds.

I was one of the frightened until I got talking about the age issue with my senior relatives during a family gathering and they had a lot to share. My retired uncle zestfully talked about his London trip to visit his younger daughter and my grand aunt rambled about her three pet dogs. And as I listened to them planning about their next pilgrimage visit I had an epiphany. Being old did not put a stop to all the activities and it did not mean I could not dance or listen to my music and it definitely did not mean that life functioned in a slow motion. Slowly but surely I found my notions being transformed. By the time the conversation ended my perspective on old age had completely changed.

When you are older and have left the amateur years far behind you, you get the sense of individuality. You don’t have the worries or shyness you had about yourself when you were younger. You grow up, you learn. You learn to shed the awkwardness and battle the problems of life headlong and effectively. Retirement can seem like an avalanche of sorrows but actually all the free time allows you to do all that you have been putting off because of work commitments or busy life schedule. You could even take up some long forgotten hobbies. The not so attractive facts of senility remained but now however it was cloaked under optimistism.

There is a large gloomy side of old age but there are little occasional spots of sunshine. Like the wisdom portion and the fact that you have no more lessons to learn. And there is the added bonus of freedom to be truly you. Growing old is inevitable and I have braced myself to face it. Now my mantra is - “Growing old is compulsory but growing up is optional”- and as the number goes on adding I will hold on to the

optional bit tighter. And here is a confession, a tiny part of me actually wants to grow old or better yet grow up.